The Lloyd Bailey Blog: Embrace Your Introvert

Lately I've been thinking a lot about the frustration associated with being an introvert. Over the last couple months I've heard from many introverted people who are intelligent, articulate, funny, and very self-aware. Each and every one has demonstrated some level of frustration with the complications that come with being introverted. And that frustrates me.

I’ve been an introvert since the very beginning of my life – ask my mom. Some introverts I know feel that they became introverted over time. One says that he’s introverted because of the way he was treated as a child by his father. Some say introverts are born, some say introverts are made, and I’m not here to help anyone decide either way. I’ve heard some say that in some societies there are no introverts. None. I wholeheartedly disagree with that. Some societies, families, cultures make it nearly impossible for a person to own their introversion because it is so frowned upon. That’s truly a pity. I’ve had people ask me if I feel bad that I’m introverted, as if I am defective. One acquaintance, when I told her that I am an introvert, replied, “Well, at least you’re a fun introvert”. What the heck was that supposed to mean? I tried to start a dialogue with her about this, but she, being an extrovert, had already gone in a completely different direction with her conversation. I stewed about that comment for a couple days.

Some of us end up feeling apologetic for being introverted. What’s that about? And there are those introverts that are absolutely mortified at what they are! I'm not sure I understand that. How does a person reach the conclusion that being an introvert is so bad that they feel like it's an affliction or something that they have to change in order to accept themselves or be accepted? Lousy self esteem doesn't go hand in hand with introversion anymore than it goes with extroversion, so I tend to think that those that feel so bad about being introverted probably feel bad that they have brown hair or a pot belly or small feet or blue eyes too. We're all made with differences. Why, in the 21st Century, would any of us feel so desperate to fit in that we feel the need to change our basic being?

Let's have a discussion about self-esteem and introversion then. I know lots and lots of extroverts with very low self-esteem, and I know a lot of introverts with low self-esteem. Since I am an introvert, and I care deeply about helping all people have a better understanding of introversion, I will address self-esteem issues that are more associated with introversion.

First off, there are more extroverts in the world than introverts. The world is more geared towards extroverts. The world also tends to view anything different as suspicious. Out of lack of information on the part of some extroverts, introverts are often viewed as shy, less intelligent, loners, no fun, plotting, secretive, cold, harsh, aloof. Considering that introverts are a minority, these unflattering labels can be rather difficult to shake. But what's really sorry is when an introvert for some reason, actually buys into these assumptions and labels and begins to think they have some sort of problem! I would assert that introverts should be countering those incorrect notions by correcting them. As a group, we are no more or less shy, intelligent, fun, plotting, harsh or cold than extroverts. None of these characteristics can be associated exclusively with either group. What about aloofness, being a loner and secretiveness? Because introverts live more in an "inner" world - thinking, analyzing, planning, wondering, listening, and extroverts live more in an "outer" world - talking, moving, being more spontaneous, introverts do often come off as aloof and secretive. And since introverts are very comfortable alone, we can also seem to be loners. We tend to talk less and listen more. Just a normal variation of how we express ourselves, nothing negative there.

If you're feeling bad about yourself because you're an introvert, I would invite you to learn more about what introversion is and is not and honor your uniqueness. Introverts are deep-thinkers, sensitive, and self-directed. When we're at our best, we are creative, practical, intuitive, intelligent, compassionate and kind. We are also decisive and quietly assertive. Our unembellished speech can lead to clear, concise communication with others, and our analytical ability helps us make sound decisions. It's true that if we gave in to the temptation to hide ourselves away for a bit of solitude that we can get caught in that and never come out of our "cave". And that's no more healthy than an extrovert never, ever learning to enjoy peace and quiet and their own company. Each side of the spectrum needs to have balance in order for emotional health.

Here are some characteristics that are common to introverts, and are completely acceptable and normal ways of being:
Introverts recharge themselves with peace and quiet.
Too much social activity, noise, partying, or visits from the neighbors exhaust us and will send us looking for alone time.
Introverts tend not to talk a lot in social situations or business meetings and the like. We like to have time to think about what's being discussed before we jump in. Often when we do speak up, our thoughts are presented in compact sentences - we like to get to the point.
It's hard for us to follow conversations that ramble and jump - our brains work differently than an extrovert's - the chemicals that aid in thought processes literally take a different path.
Introverts tend to be quite sensitive to outside stimuli such as noise and activity.
Introverts spend lots of time in introspection and quiet contemplation - we are generally a very insightful, sensitive bunch of people.
Introverts also tend to have a very large "personal space". We usually need to know someone pretty well before voluntarily giving them a hug.

It's true that society seems to value people who are very outgoing and gregarious more so than us quiet, mysterious types. But it's up to us to help educate ourselves and others about introversion and to accept ourselves as a different, yet valuable minority that offers another facet to the gem of humanity. Let's celebrate ourselves, whether introverted or extroverted, and let's celebrate all our wonderful differences!

Lee Ann Lambert is a busy freelance writer, introvert, certified life coach, garden designer, artist, author, mom and grandmom among many other things. She resides in Michigan. For more information check out her website: http://www.hermitshearth.com/

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